The Flagrant Two

Dion Waiters Pressured into Doing Drugs After Teammate Declares “The old you would have done it!”

Miami, Fl.

Dion Waiters of the Miami Heat has been suspended without pay for 10 games after an incident where he consumed a marijuana edible gummy on a recent team flight.

Waiters was unable to play in the Heat’s game against the Lakers this week after consuming 4 packets of Maltesers, 2 packets of Ruffles and an entire rotisserie chicken after his run in with the marijuana laced edible. This comes on the heels of news that Waiters entered training camp overweight and unfit to play a bit of basketball for $13 million dollars.

The shooting guard claims to have been coerced into taking the gummy on a recent team flight when they simply stated that “the old you would have done it”. A team representative confirmed that Waiters was indeed “tripping” after his run in with the gummy but noted that he was hesitant to eat it initially.

Waiter’s claims that he feels “excluded from the boys” as of late, with the addition of Jimmy Butler and emergence of rookie Tyler Herro. Waiters’ experience appears to be something akin to the iconic 2004 movie Mean Girls in which a young, naïve Cady (Waiters) is coerced by the school bully, Regina George. Jimmy Butler is known as the “Regina George” of the team according to a team representative. His insistence on wearing pink and obsession with Taylor Swift appears to support this argument.

Butler refused to comment on the situation personally but is believed to be in talks with Rachel Nichols of The Jump surrounding a tell-all exclusive interview.  

Many pundits are likening Waiters return game to that of Jordan’s flu game and Lebron’s 2016 Finals Game 7, dubbing it the “THC Game”.

While Waiters’ time on the Heat looks to be coming to an end, he is drawing significant interest from the Denver Nuggets, LA Lakers and the Joe Rogan Podcast.

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